Mutual Respect Builds Good Marriage

Dear Dr. Stephens,
I have been married for six months. My husband and I seemed to get along real well before we got married. However, we have frequent arguments now. He always tries to get me to do things his way when I want to do things my way. Can you tell me if this is normal and if we can do something to improve the situation we are in?                                                                                                                                                                                Mrs. O. F.

Dear Mrs. O. F.,
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I think one of the most important things for every couple to understand is the importance of positive communication and mutual respect when building a successful marriage. Couples must be willing to sit down and calmly discuss points of conflict on a daily basis. This is part of the maturing process in marriage. So don’t be alarmed. This is normal. Conflicts and disagreements are inevitable when diverse backgrounds come together. But I believe a major key to successfully working through marital conflicts is open communication in an atmosphere of mutual respect.

I also believe many couples have conflicts in marriage because they place unfair demands upon one another. Take, for instance, financial matters. Some women get married expecting their husbands to pay all the bills even though they are gainfully employed themselves with sufficient income to buy many of the things they need and want. In a case like this, it’s not fair to demand that the husband carry the entire financial load, even if he can afford to pay for everything. He should be given a choice in the matter, especially if his wife also generates income that she can combine with his. On the other hand, some men marry women expecting them to cook and clean like their mothers did, even though their brides may have acknowledged before the wedding that domestic chores, like cooking and cleaning, never appealed to them. Consequently, tempers flare because unrealistic expectations are not met. I believe the problems you are experiencing in your marriage can be overcome with the help of a good marriage counselor. But for the counseling sessions to be effective, you and your husband will need to be honest and open during the time you spend with the counselor.

​Don’t waste your time playing the blame game. Both of you have played a role in creating tension in your marriage. I also encourage you to start reading books that can help you understand more about God’s plan for marriage. If you don’t particularly like to read, I have produced numerous seminar audio tapes that address various marital issues. Contact my office and request a product brochure. I believe you will find something that will interest you if you are serious about building a strong marriage.
Verses to Remember:
(James 1:5 KJV)  If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.
(Prov 18:21 KJV)  Death and life are in the power of the tongue…​

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Dr. David Stephens has authored 8 books on love and marriage. Since 1994 he has conducted relationship seminars and served as a coach to couples & singles who desire marriage success. In 2016, he launched the Marriage Success Podcast. He has been happily married to his wife, Angela, since 1988.