Mature Couples May Be Good Example

Dear Dr. Stephens,
I have been married to the same man for over 32 years. Like most couples, we have had our ups and downs. But I would not trade him for anything in the world. He is my best friend and we still play and have fun together. He takes good care of me and I take good care of him too. When he works late, I stay up and wait till he gets home. He doesn’t have to worry about what he is going to eat when he gets home. Because if he will give me some money to buy it, Lord knows I will cook it for him. He was a good father when the children were growing up too. If they needed something, he used to work overtime so he could go buy it for them. The Lord has been good to us. One thing we learned a long time ago that really helped us along the way is that nobody gets anywhere by fussing and fighting. So when we have disagreements, we sit down and talk. We talk until we get an understanding. Then we go to bed and forget about it. My daughter is going to get married next year. She is a good girl and I believe the boy she is going to marry is a pretty good boy. But I want to have a good long talk with her before the wedding. Please write me back and tell me some of the things you think I ought to say to her. I read your article every week and the Lord is using you to help a lot of folks. Keep up the good work. I wish we had more pastors like you.     
                                                                                                                             Sincerely, Mother L.T

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Dear Mother L.T.,
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I love hearing about successful marriages. I hope the comments you shared will help encourage some of those who read my column, especially since so many people don’t seem to believe a marriage can last as long as your marriage has. It’s sad that so many couples reduce their marriage to a bunch of rules about the duties of husbands and wives; and miss out on the value of sharing, giving, mutual respect, honor and the agape love, that has kept your marriage together for so many years.  So I encourage you to keep on being a godly example for others to follow.  Per your request, I submit the following ideas to help you as you prepare to talk with your daughter. But I must admit the wealth of knowledge you have gained through your decades of marriage will be hard for me to match.
 
1. Keep Communication Channels Open - A foundational principle of every productive relationship is good communication. When it comes to marriage, positive communication is a must. Couples should openly discuss their dreams, expectations, desires, disappointments and even their fears. This kind of vulnerability can knit a couple together in a way that nothing else can.
 
2. Keep Being Friends - Many successful couples admit that their spouse is their best friend. In my opinion, that is a good thing. Couples who have genuine friendship also have better communication habits and enjoy one another’s companionship long after the children are grown and gone. These couples usually survive tough times a little easier also, because good friends are more inclined to work things out when they hit a bump in the road.
 
3. Keep the Sexual Fires Burning - Couples should always seek to achieve a mutually satisfying sex life. Few marriages survive without a mutually satisfying experience in the bedroom.
 
4. Keep Financially Focused - A couple can achieve financial success if they develop a financial plan early in their marriage; and stick to it. It may mean putting off certain luxuries for awhile. But the long term rewards of financial discipline can make the sacrifices worthwhile. If the couple sticks to the plan, buying that new car, buying that new house, or starting that new business can become a reality if the husband and wife continues to work together.
 
5. Keep God First - It’s been said that “the family that prays together, stays together.”  So give it a try.  I believe a couple should make prayer, church fellowship, and bible study a priority in their marriage.
Verses to Remember:
(Prov 18:21 KJV)  Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.
(Eph 4:15 KJV)  But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ:
Amos 3:3 KJV) Can two walk together, except they be agreed?
(Mat 18:19 KJV)  Again I say unto you, That if two of you shall agree on earth as touching anything that they shall ask, it shall be done for them of my Father which is in heaven.

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Dr. David Stephens has authored 8 books on love and marriage. Since 1994 he has conducted relationship seminars and served as a coach to couples & singles who desire marriage success. In 2016, he launched the Marriage Success Podcast. He has been happily married to his wife, Angela, since 1988.