Loving Leadership Works Better Than Intimidation

Dear Dr. Stephens, 
My wife thinks I should tell her everything. I was brought up to believe that a man is supposed to run his house and his wife is supposed to submit to him. But my wife acts likes she doesn’t trust me. And when I tell her things she keeps asking questions and acting like she must have the last word.                          Bernard ​

Dear Bernard,
​
I believe one of the best ways a man can get his wife to follow his leadership in the home is to demonstrate LOVING LEADERSHIP. What does that mean?  I’m glad you asked.  Many women only feel secure enough in their marriage to submit to their husband after he consistently demonstrates what she considers to be mature, responsible behavior over a period of time. He must prove that he is also dependable, trustworthy, and forthcoming with explanations about things that could threaten the stability of their marriage. 

​However, a man can only demonstrate this kind of behavior if he purposely renews his mind to what the Word of God says about marriage. He should not let “street sense” rule his thinking. Instead, he should use the Word of God as the standard for making decisions about how to minister to his family and lead them in the right direction.  Just think about it. In some circles, young men are taught to keep secrets from their wives. Some men rationalize this behavior by saying, “Women don’t understand how to transact business” or saying “Women don’t understand the real world.”  However, most mature thinking individuals realize that there are scores of women who can handle the “real world” and business affairs just as successfully as men can. In many cases, females can do a job much more proficiently than rival males can.  So we can throw the “dumb women” philosophy out of the window. In reality, the cavalier attitude of some men has left a plethora of men drowning in the consequences of bad decisions they have made without input from their wives.

Another important principle in LOVING LEADERSHIP is prayer. I believe every man should take time to pray for his wife and children every day, not just sometimes, but every day.  If a man makes the commitment to pray for his family on a daily basis, I believe he can turn back demonic attacks that are designed to create strife and division in his home.

LOVING LEADERSHIP also requires a man to lead by example. If a man wants his wife to stay out of the malls and become a better steward of household finances, he should set the pace by becoming a wise money manager himself. If a man wants his wife to stop wasting so much time in front of the television watching soap operas, he needs to be sure he’s not spending all of his free time watching sports on television. You see, healthy marriages are filled with compromise. So if you want your marriage to stand the test of time, you must  learn how to sit down with your wife and discuss points of conflict. Don’t just automatically think she is going to follow you because you wear the pants in the house. Couples must work together if they are to survive the challenges of serving God in a sinful world while keeping their marriage strong at the same time.
Verses to Remember:
(Eph 5:22 KJV)  Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
(Eph 5:25 KJV)  Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
(Col 3:19 KJV)  Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.

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Dr. David Stephens has authored 8 books on love and marriage. Since 1994 he has conducted relationship seminars and served as a coach to couples & singles who desire marriage success. In 2016, he launched the Marriage Success Podcast. He has been happily married to his wife, Angela, since 1988.